From slow tooth extractions to tales of strange requests from patients, you’ve probably heard your share of funny stories in dentistry. We thought we’d pull our favorite ones that you might not have heard about from across the web. We’ve taken the liberty to paraphrase some of them, but we’ve included were we’ve pulled them from so you can see the originals. Here is our list of the top funny dentistry stories you might not have heard.
1. Righty-Tighty, Lefty-Loosey
This gem of a story was pulled from notalwaysright.com. To set up the scene, imagine a doctor calling into a surgical product hotline while his patient is sitting there, mouth agape, and potentially under anesthesia…but, maybe not. This story is told from the hotline agent’s perspective.
Doctor: “The screw is not going in. Which way do I turn it?”
Hotline Agent: “Clockwise.”
Doctor: “Clockwise from above or below?”
Hotline Agent: “If you are looking at the head of the screw, then clockwise…to the right.”
Doctor: “What do you mean to the right? Move the wrench to the right?”
Hotline Agent: “As the screw turns, and you are looking at the head, the top part will go to the right.”
Doctor: “Okay, I think I got it.”
Hotline Agent: “Good. Righty tighty, lefty loosey.”
Doctor: “What was that?”
Hotline Agent: “Uh, righty tighty, lefty loosey? That’s one way to remember. You go to the right to tighten, and the left to loosen.”
Doctor: “Oh, I see. Righty tighty, lefty loosey!” (Agent hears the noise of wrench turning) “Righty tighty, lefty loosey. It’s working!”
Hotline Agent: “Great. All finished?”
(The doctor speaks up much louder than before and is clearly not talking to the agent.)
Doctor: “You’re all done then!”
Patient: (Agent hears in the distance) “Uh, thank you doctor.”
2. All I Want for Christmas…
Who doesn’t love a “punny” story? This one from guy-sports.com has one we think is great, with a holiday twist!
A man visits his dentist because his mouth feels strange.
His dentist examines him and says, “That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?”
The patient answers with a frown, “All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious – Hollandaise sauce, I think it was. I loved it so much I now put it on everything: meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything.”
“Well,” the dentist says, “that’s probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It’s eaten away your upper plate. I’ll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome.”
The patient asks, “Why chrome?”
The dentist replies, “It’s simple. Everyone knows that there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise.”
3. The Not-So-Happily-Ever-After
A hospital consulting dietician, a smart nurse and a wedding cake – What could make a better story? This one was pulled from guy-sports.com.
A hospital’s consulting dietician was giving a lecture to a group of nurses.
“The rubbish we put into our stomachs and consume should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is terrible. Fizzy drinks attack your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous because of fertilizers and pesticides and none of us realizes the long-term damage being done by the rotten bacteria in our drinking water. However, there is one food that is incredibly dangerous and we all have, or will, eat it at some time in our lives.
Now, is anyone here able to tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”
A 65-year-old nursing sister sitting in the front row stood up and said, “wedding cake.”
4. Driven to Extraction: The Tale of a Prison Escape
This hilarious tale features a 51-year-old Swedish inmate who just couldn’t take his toothache any more, so he broke out of prison.
According to a Huffington Post news story, the Swedish inmate broke out of prison because he wanted to go to the dentist. Talk about dedication to dental health!
The man told news authorities that he had been complaining about the toothache for days and just could take it anymore even though he was scheduled to go the following day.
The inmate turned himself in after being treated and apparently as a result, his one-month prison sentence was only extended one day.
5. The Fly in the Dental Exam
This wonderful tale is pulled from a forum where dental students contributed stories. A friend tells this story about a stressed dental assistant taking an extremely important practical exam. Let’s just say, because I can’t help myself, that she suffers a little “fly in the ointment.”
A dental assistant is taking the exam, which is graded by an observer and includes input from the student dentist. The doctor is working on an amalgam and the dental assistant is required to hand him instruments and materials he needs without him asking for them.
Suddenly, a Kamikaze fly lands dead on the patient’s tongue, stuck, upside down by the wings. This very nervous dental-assisting student who can’t make any mistakes, is annoyed to say the least. What is the proper instrument for removing a fly from a patient’s tongue?
In a resourceful move, she picks up an amalgam carrier, sticks it into the doctor’s hands. The doctor scoops the bug up with the large end, hands it back and simply says, “That was correct.”
For Your Entertainment
We’ll leave you with the famous video of “David after Dentist.” This one, posted in 2009, has more than 127,000 views. Enjoy!
Do you have any stories to share? Please do! Tell your story in the comments.